Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Speaker A: Welcome to the Healer's Corner podcast with.
[00:00:04] Speaker B: Your hosts, Melissa Wiles and Maria Cerna.
Foreign.
Well, hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of the Healer's Corner.
We have a topic I think tonight that's. That's pretty relevant to this time of year.
And Maria, this might be a lot of you because you have another meditation to go with tonight's topic of keeping calm in family gatherings at the holiday time. And this could be the pesky, you know, political talks, the bad jokes, the, you know, all the, all the things. All the things. And how do we keep calm at the table while we're eating our dinner? How do we, you know, calmly unwrap the presence of. How do we, you know, stay centered in our peace?
[00:01:27] Speaker A: Yeah. Family gathering. Not just during the holidays, but just family reunions, just family in general coming together.
That's a little bit tricky when it comes to keeping your energy calm because first of all, families, we have history.
Second of all, you have, you know, an Uncle Joe that can't seem to see you as an adult. They just remember you as a child and they talk to you like you're a child.
It's like, okay, you know, and then they come up with the bad jokes and then they probably had a little bit too much before they came, started to cheering the holidays and bringing in the holidays before the family gather gatherings.
Quite a few. My family that does that.
[00:02:30] Speaker B: They. They get the pre starting. The pre start. There we go. Wow. Words are hard today.
[00:02:35] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
But I always did it. I always did it by being aware what I'm walking into, you know, and that also goes with any kind of family gathering.
You know, that this particular family member is gonna talk about their new toys or this particular family is going to talk about, you know, their views on whether it's political, religion or whatever.
And they're gonna be. Families are going to be gossiping.
You know, that is something that you need to be aware of when you're coming into a family gathering.
It's like an experiment, you know, it's like you put together all these people and it's like, oh, okay.
And I think that was the reason why I chose not to see except one family member when I went to Hawaii.
That was because I did not want to walk into that type of environment.
I did not wanna.
I wanted to enjoy my vacation.
So I. That, that was the reason why I only went to see my brother. And that was about it. That was all the family I wanted to see.
[00:03:59] Speaker B: So set before you even probably got on the airplane, you knew what you were walking into, you set the intention, boundaries in place.
[00:04:10] Speaker A: Yeah. And you know, especially when the holidays. Because people remember the holidays for great Grandma did, how great grandma did it, you know, there is history how great grandma did it or how Aunt Jane did it, you know, and family tends to compare other family members who hosted the holidays.
So is to keep in mind that it's not. The holidays are stressful as it is trying to gather everything, trying to prepare everything, making sure that the favorite foods of the family is already there.
So it's really stressful.
[00:04:54] Speaker B: But.
[00:04:55] Speaker A: And understanding and knowing what you're walking into when you invite all of your family members.
So being aware is the one thing. And also keeping in mind that it doesn't have to be perfect how great grandma did it or how Aunt Jane did it, you're gonna do it your way.
And don't compare yourself with any other family member.
And how they did the family gathering, the holiday gathering.
So to keep calm for me is that I know what I'm walking into. I'm completely aware, but I'm also aware of my body. And there's a certain technique that I always do. And, and I do the breathing. You know, you slow breath intake, you longer excel. You're excelling the, the tension, you're excelling and just grounding yourself. So grounding yourself and you. The energy around us is always there. There is absolutely no bias to the energy.
So when you absorb the air, when you absorb your. The. The energy surrounding, it's all positive.
You know, if you need to. What I do, I love trees. Melissa knows I love trees. I will go outside and I will lean my back against the tree. So that was, that was. That is a technique that I also use. You know, I lean my back against. I am there for about maybe 10, 15 minutes before I have to go and drive to a family member.
Melissa knows this.
My grandmother, she was a spitfire.
Oh yeah, she was a definite spitfire. And she hosted a lot of the fan gatherings.
So I knew that I may have to see my aunt, not my favorite.
And I knew that they're going to be conversation that I probably not going to want.
So what I did, and my brother who visited from New York, what he did is that he. He and I would take a moment to go outside and he said, okay, I need to calm down. What, what I go, okay, I need you to take three deep breath in and breathe out slowly.
And there was a tree on that, on that apartment complex. It was a tree. So he also did the tree. You know, he Said he go, is there anything else? And I said, well, I don't advise you to take your shoes off because there's snow on the ground.
But I go, if this was the summertime, yes, you can take your shoes off and run your feet on the ground and it will help you to be grounded. It will help you to be connected. So he pretty much did the breathing exercises throughout the whole evening, which I thought was hilarious.
Each time he left the room, I know what he was doing. He went into another room and he was doing the breathing exercise.
So is being aware of you walking into being aware of the players that you're going to be around and also understand you have to keep your sacred space to yourself.
Okay. Now that doesn't mean you're going to push family away.
That means that you just keep reminding yourself, I'm calm, I'm protected, I'm okay.
So is maybe, you know, it's just something you might whisper or you may do the breath, you know, go into the restroom, do the breathing. So that's what I, that is some of the techniques that I did to get through the family holiday.
And my grandmother was, well, very aware of that.
So, and she did it also. She would go in the room and she did the breathing, you know.
[00:09:09] Speaker B: Because.
[00:09:09] Speaker A: She was a spitfire and her temper can, can run.
So if, and you, if you know this, if you know that about your body, if, if there, if you hear something that you don't agree with, but you don't want to go into a full fledged disagreement, you know, don't lower your energies to theirs.
Just, I am calm, I'm protected. I just keep saying that to yourself, keep doing the breathing. You know, it's just being aware of what you're walking into.
[00:09:42] Speaker B: Well, I know in the, the notes you had listed understanding that you are not responsible for other people's emotions and reactions.
So I know especially if, if somebody is playing the host or hostess, you feel responsible for everybody there and you feel kind of like you have to be the referee.
So that can be a challenge, you know, at times.
So being able to step away, being able to find that moment of peace while strategically trying to maybe change a conversation, separate people, like, hey, I need help over here in the kitchen. I need help bringing this in to kind of separate. But it can make a challenge for the host or hostess because, you know, you're, you're providing that experience for people.
And I'm sure at times when you know you're trying to, as the, the host, you know, you don't Want to leave out certain family members, but you might be tempted to because you know what's going to happen.
So would you maybe advise, like, before the event, kind of having a side conversation? Like, hey, when you get on Saturday, don't bring up xyz.
You know, we want to keep this nice and happy. Would you recommend kind of doing, like, side conversations beforehand?
[00:11:11] Speaker A: Well, I have not done a side conversation. There was one instance where my son did that, and it did. It did not end well before the event.
You have.
Everyone of us knows our family members.
They know how they operate. They know what the roles that they play.
And that's why you have to be really aware of what type of personality you're dealing with.
Now, if you know that this person is going to meet you halfway, yes, have that conversation.
But if this person is going to be. Is going to be defensive, I would not do that.
I would go a different route and that when the energy comes into play.
So I would. I would have a conversation with my spirit guides, my angel guides to help and bring in the energy of calming things down. Now, it's not going to calm down everything, okay, but it's going to diffuse a great deal of it.
Having a conversation with a person in the physical sense, and if they have a very defensive personality, it's not going to go well. It didn't go well with my son when he tried to do that.
It actually made it worse when the gathering did happen, because there was a lot of tension.
So I had to step out and I had to go in the room and I had to diffuse the energy of the tension, you know, because, you know, I work with energy. I am a healer, so I had to do that.
If you're not a healer, what you can do is step into a room and everybody has a favorite prayer or a favorite affirmation or a favorite mantra and focus.
What you do is that you bring all the collective of the family into your focus and just shoot that energy to that family. It's not going to completely diffuse the whole entire tension, but it's going to calm it down a little bit. You want to calm it down to a point that people are still going to be talking to each other. They're not going to be arguing, and they're not going to be fleeing the site, you know, and being, you know, with a temper, and they're just going to leave.
So if you can diffuse it a little bit, that will help it run through the experience of the gathering.
And, you know, this is our family.
We choose to be a part of this family.
So we have to have some kind of communication, some kind of contact with them. They are our lineage. They are a part of us. We are a part of them.
They're not. No, Joe, Smooth off the street that we just decided to bring into the gathering.
[00:14:33] Speaker B: Yeah, I know in the notes, you're like, when others are emotionally reactive, staying calm means not matching their energy. Your regulation become an anchor.
I mean, I've seen this even with customers in the store, you know, they.
They come in with a heightened agitation for whatever reason. And when you don't meet them there, it kind of like diffuses them because they're looking for a reaction. They're looking.
For you to. To respond in some way. And so if Uncle Joe Bob is purposefully saying jokes that aren't quite okay, if people just kind of don't react and carry on with, like, side conversations and don't give attention to it, being.
Pretending to enjoy it or trying to. Trying to call him out on tends to make that whole joke telling stop without getting. Having to get defensive and then creating an argument.
That's when you treat Uncle Joe Bob like the little kid.
You know, it's like, that's not worth a response.
Okay, back to over here, you know, But I have found that even works with customers at times when, you know, they're. They're coming in with something, maybe they brought in with them from work. And I'm like, you know what? We don't do that here.
I'll ignore that and, you know, redirect somehow.
It's interesting how have some family gatherings happened since, you know, Grandma, is it you kind of taken over the. The trying to do some of the family tradition and.
[00:16:29] Speaker A: Not necessarily I haven't stepped up to doing that. First of all, it's just my family here.
Grandma was a little bit different.
Like I said, I have two aunts that I do not. We have very different views on a lot of things.
And so they're okay doing with their own.
Their own holiday get together with whatever family member that they have.
It was pretty much my grandma who brought us together.
She was the feisty one. She was the one who made the phone call. She was the one who made the arrangement. She was the one who told me what I needed to do for her.
[00:17:08] Speaker B: So.
[00:17:09] Speaker A: And I didn't mind doing that, you know, because I knew that she was. You know, there were certain things that she wasn't able to. And then I would cross it off. But it's just way too much history. And that's one thing about families, you just have way. Some histories are good, and some histories may not be so good, but you have to be aware of what you're walking into.
I got together with my aunts when grandma passed away, and we got to see each other in a different light.
They were a little bit more open. Now. Is that because their older sister was there? That's a possibility.
You know, that she helped diffuse that a little bit. But we got to have conversations, you know, beyond what the task that we needed to do.
And these are my family and I. They're a part of me. I'm a part of them. And that's something that I had to keep in mind. And my brother also reminded me that, go, these are. This is our family.
You a good, bad, ugly. This is who we related to. And I said, okay, I understand.
[00:18:24] Speaker B: Now, I know you mentioned, excuse me beforehand, that you might have a meditation handy for people. Is this a meditation they would do, like if they're having to step outside, or is this something they do before they even go to the holiday gathering?
[00:18:42] Speaker A: They can do it. They can do it before the holiday gathering. And actually I have done this in my grandma's apartment also.
I actually did energy work in the apartment before they started coming, because I was there first.
She wanted me there to be. And then basically lavender energy is connected to divine the. The purple energy.
So what I did is I did a mixture of the. Like, I. I'm. I'm not sure if some people have heard about the violet flame.
I know that you had a CD in the store at one time. I don't know if it's still there.
No, the violet flame.
What I did, as I stand in the middle of the room and I projected the violet flame and the violet. I engulfed the whole, entire living room and the kitchen with the violet flame. So that's a. That's an energy technique that you can use, is not just open to healers. It's open to everyone, you know, and you can. You can start diffusing any kind of energy that way. It's like it's energy cleansing that you can do. And I have done that. I have worked with the violet femi for a long, long time, even before pranic healing came along.
And you can diffuse that using the violet flame. And basically it's just. You can picture it as a tornado slowly gathering, picking up speed, engulfing the whole entire room, or you can picture it as a violet flame, a flame all over the house. You know, once the gathering is done, though Please put the flame out.
You don't want to project a flame even though it's violet, even though it's connected to divine as a way to manifest it in the physical sense.
So take that flame out. And actually, sometimes when I'm. When I'm done with the day at Goddess Elite, when I'm done with that, I do project violet flame in that room that I'm using.
I projected it, and then once I'm done, I diffuse it. You know, it's. It's clearing any kind of residue. It's just getting. Getting rid of it.
So that is something that I've also done before the meditation can be done before the meditation can be done during.
Because it's only five minutes.
I have got it down to five minutes. And you can do it even after, or you can do it whenever you feel that you need to. If you're gonna go around a huge. Like, if you're going to go to a game, if you're going to go to an office party, it's something that you can. You can do. And it's only five minutes.
[00:21:41] Speaker B: Now, is this a meditation you were gonna do for our friends that are with us live, or is this something that you want them to. To come up with on their own and you give the basics?
[00:21:52] Speaker A: No, no, I'm. I'm gonna walk them through it.
[00:21:58] Speaker B: Did you want to do that now?
[00:22:00] Speaker A: Sure.
[00:22:01] Speaker B: Take it away.
Okay.
[00:22:06] Speaker A: Okay. If you guys have your legs crossed, please uncross your legs and have it planted on the floor.
You know, get yourself in a comfortable position.
Close your eyes.
Or you can softly have a glaze.
Take a slow breath through your nose and gently exhale through your mouth.
Again. Inhale, calm.
Exhale. Tension.
One more time. Breathing in the peace and harmony and breathing out whatever stress that you're holding on to.
Just let it all go.
Now I would like you to bring your attention to your body and each part of your body that I'm going to mention is going to relax.
Relax your jaw, relax and soften your shoulders.
Let your belly release and relax.
You're completely safe.
Nothing is going to interfere.
You're completely protected.
There is absolutely nothing you need to fix at this moment in time.
Now, I would like you to imagine at the bottom of your feet, there is a cord.
Nothing unusual. Everyone has this cord, and we're going to allow this cord to be rooted and connect to the earth.
She is going to. Mother Earth is going to keep you steady, supported, and grounded.
And with every breath, you will feel yourself being calmer and more Present, you will have this unbelievable relationship with your body.
And your body will give you the signals when you need to take a deep breath in and you need to calm.
Now around you.
I would like you to visualize a soft white light surrounding your body, completely engulfing your whole entire energy field.
This is a very soothing light. It's very loving.
And this light is a peaceful, loving and protective.
It will completely be around you and surround you.
Now through your heart, you're gonna allow love flow out of you freely.
But this light is going to stop and diffuse any stressful emotional weight from outside.
And if you use this meditation before the family comes, I would like you to imagine yourself with your family.
Calm, centered, breathing easily.
You feel the love from the family and you feel the respect from the family.
You remain steady even if some of the family members are not.
You are going to be the anchor of the family gathering.
If there is tension that arise from the gathering, the light that surround you and surrounds you will diffuse it and dissolve it.
You can slightly say, I choose calm, I keep my energy and I am at peace and harmony is gathered all around me.
Now we're going to end this meditation.
First, I would like you to take a final deep breath in and a slow exhale out.
When you are ready, please return to this moment in time.
Slowly open your eyes.
And here we go.
Hello.
How was that?
[00:28:01] Speaker B: I think that's going to save a lot of sanity for people.
I think there will be a lot of people avoiding wearing orange after a family dinner.
[00:28:12] Speaker A: It's just something for you, for your insanity, for your insanity. It's for your sanity and just to keep everything diffused. Like I said, you cannot completely erase attention, but you can diffuse that. Everyone is going to have a pretty good gathering, reconnection, renewal as adults as we get older.
[00:28:41] Speaker B: Maybe it's the ability of just not giving a as much. Sometimes I find it's easier to just like let things go, you know, sometimes and not feeling the responsibility of having to please everybody, which can be that reaction to everything.
And I'm embracing that time in life now where I don't have to worry about the, the facade, the, the be the good girl, the be the this, the be the that.
And I think that that's been a big piece of keeping my peace and calm, you know, as I have got gotten older, you know, not feeling that obligation just because Uncle Joe Bob told a really bad inappropriate joke like, oh, I, I need to like, ha ha, laugh to, to keep the peace about that, haha. Because now we're all feeling responsible about Uncle Joe Bob. Now I can be like, think to myself, why would you say that? But then turn to somebody else and be like, I'm not even going to respond. I'm, I'm just going to do this. And I don't care if suddenly Uncle Joe Bob is offended that I didn't respond to his joke. So I'm, I'm embracing this older age part of just not feeling that obligation.
And if, if any of our friends are starting to step into it, like, welcome, it is wonderful.
Embrace it.
[00:30:21] Speaker A: Well, I mean, like that becomes to not comparing yourself to any family member and how they hosted the holidays. And that also should go forward with anything in life, you know, not, I mean, the word giving a shut is a little bit.
But, you know, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go on, I'm gonna go and do things what makes sense to me.
And if it makes sense to me that I need to pause or walk away.
You know, it's funny because my grandmother used to do that a lot. She used to just walk away and she's in mid sentence. Or that person would be in mid sentence and she would just walk away.
And, and at first I thought, oh my God. I go, grandmother is so, so rude.
I go, why did you do that? Well, there was nothing else I want to listen on this person, so I'm just gonna go, I don't want to hear it.
[00:31:28] Speaker B: Oh, I miss Hawaiian grandma and her sassiness so much.
[00:31:33] Speaker A: But I, I come to realize I know what she was doing. She was actually preserving her peace, her sanity, you know, and I, and I like you, I've come to understand that now. So I'm not going to leave in the middle of someone's sentence, but I, I'm going to step away. I'm going to find a reason to step away.
[00:31:59] Speaker B: So I think embracing that and remembering that meditation, I will make sure I put in the show notes like when it actually starts, so people, you know, at a later time, if they want to go back and listen to it again, like they don't have to keep scrolling to find it.
And maybe between that one and the one that you did for protection, like, we'll make a little mini series of just the meditation parts and, and put those out so you can go right to those and make it easy for everyone all by themselves.
But if any of our friends who are with us tonight, if you have questions or comments, maybe you, you're looking for suggestions on how to energetically keep everything nice and calm While you have a house full of people.
Because, let's face it, the adults are usually the problem starters, not the little kids running around who are enjoying that. All the aunts and uncles and cousins are there, they're playing, they're having a good time. They're just rowdy, rambunctious because they're excited. It's the adults that are gonna, nine times out of ten, create the uncomfortableness somehow.
But, you know, you can do things like putting stones like rose quartz, blue calcite, you know, in. In the areas that people are going to be sitting. So those stones are helping putting out there, like a calming energy.
If you do a sign seating, or if, you know, a certain person always like to sit in a certain spot, maybe you put an extra piece under that chair. Chair under that side of the couch, you know, just to make sure they're really, you know, enjoying the energy of that stone.
Just to try and keep the calm everywhere. And, you know, by putting those stones down, you know, everybody's getting a benefit.
You don't have to tell your family members that. That you have decored the holidays with extra stones. Like, just let it be. And if they ask, tell them. Maybe they'll have an interest, maybe they want to learn about it. If not, they'll be like, oh, it's a rock, and put it down.
But you can use stones in this as well.
Sometimes aromatherapy can help. But then you don't know who's got allergies, who's sensitive to scents. And so stones kind of just sit there. They do their own thing, they mind their own business.
They're probably a safer option in a room full of people in a way.
But.
[00:34:28] Speaker A: Well, if it's. If it's the holidays, like, if it's a gathering, and like, if there's a Halloween gathering or Thanksgiving gathering or, you know, the upcoming Christmas gathering, you can do the familiar smells, like the Christmas pine smell, or you could do apple cider, or you can. You know, there. There's so many things that you can buy right now that's available, like a smell of pumpkin pie.
You know, everyone is familiar with those smells. So it's not going into, you know, like a lavender, and somebody might. Might be allergic to that. It's just the smells of the holiday, you know, Christmas with the Christmas pine smell. It's refreshing if you have that, and it helps to diffuse also and keep things calm.
So it might be, you know, in a diffuser. You might have it going on in the background.
So that's another thing that you can do also, because smells really does give a familiar.
And people are used to the pumpkin and the pine and the apple cider.
[00:35:55] Speaker B: Nice. And most people like those.
So it keeps everybody kind of happy. The, the nice, relaxing, fun, happy scent that, that matches the holiday.
Kind of like that subliminal reminder. Like, this is a holiday gathering. It's meant to be fun and enjoy, you know, just sit and relax one another's company. You never know what's going to happen, you know, the next day. So enjoy them and, you know, enjoy your time.
This one was a shorter episode because, I mean, how much more can we say keep calm, don't kill anyone.
You know, like keeping your own centered peace. It does ripple out because when you don't respond, when you don't react, you know, you're helping diffuse that situation.
So that, that's probably the most important thing is being consciously aware that you are in charge of only your reaction and your emotions. And when, when you don't react to the inappropriate comments, the inappropriate jokes, the, you know, anything else that might be going on, you're helping keep everything at a nice, even keel in the living room, in the dining room, around the tree, whatever your, your tradition may be.
But Maria, did you have any other, like, important points?
[00:37:22] Speaker A: Well, the calm. And the calm energy for, for you is for your own sanity and having a clarity when you're not charged, when you're not triggered, and when you're keeping your energy calm, you actually are the anchor for that gathering. You become that anchor.
Because I, I do believe that positive energy and negative energy cannot coexist in the space.
The end. The, the energy of being calm is a positive energy. So it's like Melissa said, it will expand. It will expand.
And, you know, whatever that person's, you know, personality is, you know, they can't help it, but it will be diffused.
They're not going to go all out and drink all the alcohol there is and be a, a little bit annoying and loud. They're not going to do that because they have a little bit diffusion because of your energy you're carrying that light you're carrying. You're being the anchor. And yes, it is a lot of responsibility, but actually it's a way for family to enjoy each other and not have it completely go off the deep end.
[00:38:56] Speaker B: Well, thanks for your meditation, Maria, and you're welcome. Well, thanks everybody for hanging with us and, and enjoying the meditation that Maria provided.
We will be taking next week off because, holy cow, it's here already. It seems Christmas.
Yeah. And it'll be nice just to relax a little bit that week.
I say that while smirking because I work retail. There's really no relaxing this week.
So relax as much as we can.
[00:39:34] Speaker A: But.
[00:39:35] Speaker B: But thanks for joining, everybody, and we will see you on the next episode of the Healer's Corner.
Bye, guys.
[00:39:43] Speaker A: Bye.
Thank you for listening to the Healer's Corner podcast.
[00:39:53] Speaker B: Join us again soon.
